The Man From North Cape

It's official folks. Santa has passed on, he is no more, he has ceased to be, he has expired and gone to meet his maker, he is a late Santa, he is bereft of life, he rests in peace, he is pushing up the daisies, he is flying down the chimney and has joined the crowd invisible (with apologies to Monty Python's Flying Circus). He is, in fact, an ex-Santa. And no, he can't be replaced by a slug…

This sensational piece of news was recently published in the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten in the form of an obituary. In translation, the obituary reads: “Our dearest Olausen Julenisse, born December 12, 1788, has passed away today, December 3, 2015 at the North Cape. The funeral will be held at the North Pole Chapel at Monday, December 28, at 13:00. He is missed by the whole world”. The word “julenisse” is the Norwegian designation for Santa Claus, while “Olausen” is presumably a pun on Saint Nicholas (the Christian saint which Santa Claus is loosely modeled on). Olausen is similar to the real Norwegian names Olaus and Olafsen.

Why this faux obituary, perhaps intended for the silly pages along with the bearded lady and the latest Elvis sighting, was published alongside real ones, nobody knows, except that it might have been a “digital error” of some kind. Gee, that's reassuring. Hopefully, the next such error won't affect, say, air traffic control or the Norwegian oil rigs!

Still, it's reassuring that Santa is apparently alive and kicking somewhere on the North Cape chimneys, ready to enter Americano air space in about three weeks time. Unless, of course, the usual cabal of nasty liberals and deistic Masons will finally manage to slap him in the pot belly with a constitutional injunction against reindeer herding…