It´s official: AI can kill you

OK, this is a real problem. AI strikes again...

Amazon is filled with bogus AI-generated mushroom foraging guides

Yes, storks

A highly abberant stork? Only in California!

“Handbook of the Birds of the World” (HBW for short) is a gargantuan encyclopedia in 17 volumes describing all living species of birds known to science. That´s about 9,000 of them! The first volume was published in 1992, the last one just a few years ago. There are also two extra volumes containing extensive checklists of…well, all the birds previously described. This is a review of the second volume, published in 1994. It seems I missed to comment it during my illicit reviewing spree at Amazon.com, which ended in Jeff Bezos personally purging me in 2018. OK, not really, but it seems it wasn´t on sale in Bezosland and therefore couldn´t be properly fake-reviewed by yours truly, so here I go on my blog instead!

Somewhat surprisingly, Vol 2 only covers two orders, the “classical” Falconiformes (diurnal birds of prey a.k.a. ditto raptors) and Galliformes (chicken and their allies a.k.a. gamefowl and half a dozen other aliases). I admit that I didn´t dig *that* deeply into the section on the galliforms, but it doesn´t seem to mention the bantam breeds, so perhaps that´s a plus for chicken fanciers, who often positively hate the poor little things, or so I´ve been reliably informed. Instead, I went straight for the main course, the Falconiformes. In HBW´s version, or rather their 1994 version, the raptor order consist of New World vultures, the Osprey, Hawks & Eagles (presumably including the Old World vultures), the Secretarybird, and Falcons & Caracaras (called “falconids” in this work). That being said, all wasn´t well in raptor space back in the 1990´s. The exact taxonomic position of the New World vultures was especially contentious.

HBW argues that New World vultures may actually be closer to storks (yes, storks) than to other birds of prey. The idea of a Californian Condor really being a highly aberrant stork does have a certain intrinsic appeal. Some of the similarities between Cathartidae and Ciconiiformes are absolutely stunning: “For example, both groups of birds keep cool by squirting their legs with urine, which then evaporates off to leave the legs sometimes looking as if they have been white washed”. The genera within Cathartidae may not be closely related either. We also learn that there used to be Old World vultures in the New World until 10,000 years ago and New World vultures in the Old World 20 million years ago (not sure what made them leave). Even on the species level there is confusion. Or was back in ´94. The good ol´ Turkey Vulture, well known from spaghetti western flicks, might actually be several different species. It´s difficult to know since all museum specimens look the same – the skin color (a distinguishing mark for subspecies and species) fades after death!

In this volume, the “falconids” are relatively firmly anchored in Falconiformes (as the diurnal birds of prey are called when they do include them – otherwise it´s Accipitriformes) due to their “external morphology, internal anatomy, behaviour, feather parasites, and moult patterns”. DNA studies suggested the same thing, but today scientists believe on the basis of new research that falconids aren´t closely related to accipitrid raptors at all, rather they are a sister group to parrots and passerines! Interestingly, one M Jollie suggested already in 1977 on non-genetic morphological grounds that falconids are polyphyletic (google it!) and are closer to owls, cuckoos, plantain-eaters and indeed parrots than to other diurnal birds of prey.

Otherwise, everything is pretty much as usual as far as HBW volumes are concerned: detailed family presentations followed by species presentations and range maps, and a lot of color illustrations and ditto photos – one of the reasons why these books are so prohibitively expensive. Yes, I looked it up in a library, thank you! That being said, the species presentations are quite short compared to later volumes in the series with their complete information overload on every small and obscure tropical songbird. Nor are there any additional chapters on mostly unrelated topics, also a feature of later volumes.

Perhaps transcended by current research?

Strange, considering that they purged me!

Apparently, Amazon.com still have problems with fake reviews and fake reviewers. That´s strange, I mean, they purged me two years ago, so what on earth seems to be the problem? :P  

I think I did it, fam!

Wow, I think I did it - reposted (almost) all of my Amazon reviews (purged by the Know-Nothing Algorithm this summer) onto this blog. 

And now...what? 

Time to cross the Rubicon again

My "review" of a Roman banner sold by Amazon 

Good if you're like me, an Aryan and Arian (both at the same time) and is unsure which of the Hunnish mercenary regiments are the "Roman" troops. Yepp, that would be the ones carrying this banner. Well, my fellow Goths from Scandza, you know what to do!

Have you actually *seen* a peppered moth?

My fake review of Charles Darwin´s seminal "On the Origin of Species". 

One long argument. Proves nothing. Nobody has ever seen a Chihuahua together with a Great Dane in the same room. Ergo, evolution never happened.

Empire of the Ants

Another feeble attempt by some evolutionary cousin of the naked mole-rat, known as “Man”, to exterminate the true ruler of the Central Planet, the family Formicidae (alias the Zenith & Pinnacle of Intelligent Design by The Six-Limbed God). No Argentine ants attack each other, nowhere in the world, and soon, you (and Edward Wilson) will see ants *from different species* coming together in harmonic friendship and solidaristic cooperation. The Six-Limbed God has also invited hornets, paper wasps and killer bees to the great jamboree, soon to be held in the ancient anthill city of Hymenopterix. Unless you have a very good ant bait handy, or are ready to nuke most of the planet (thereby giving our eternal devilish adversary, the cockroach, the chance to claim Central Planet), I say your time is up!

The unicorn revelation

We already know the secret of the unicorn. There is a unicorn lair in NORTH KOREA. Donald Trump and the Brilliant Leader will meet there and sign the mother of all peace agreements, under the watchful eye of the unicorn clan...

Cyberpunk's dead

My review of "The Transhumanist Wager" by Zoltan Istvan. 

I don't understand people who are still unironic transhumanists. Some of them seem pretty smart in other ways. It feels so 1995, when Raëlianism was the coolest new fad on the block and cyberpunk was young. But today? Trust me, robotics and cybernetics will never progress to the point when humans can merge with robots and/or animals and become cyborgs. Which, all things considered, might be just as good. But despair not, ye mortals. We can still try out steampunk...

Trump eats steak with ketchup. He must be hexed!!!

3 out of 4 helpful for this one. Wow! Wiccans, in sharp contrast with bird-lovers and bug-collectors, have a sense of humor!

This is not real Wicca. I think I will hex this author, before she is witch-burned. I'm sure she has something to do with the disappearence of Hans and Gretzel. She probably kidnaps cats, too. Real Wiccans live productive lives in their respective communities, commute regularly and contribute to cat-shelters. Or have I misunderstood something?

I want to believe in Cayla

A faux review of a book titled "In Times Like These: A Time Travel Adventure" 

There is *something* wrong with the world. They changed something in the Matrix. Haven't you noticed?

Donald Trump is POTUS. The Russians are our new allies. Atlantic Magazine mentioned two Twitter trolls, BAP and Kantbot2000, and interviewed the latter. Alex Jones has gone main stream. Trump trolled a serious Swedish newspaper to write an article on Jones. The Russian embassy in London tweets Pepe memes. All hate crimes in the United States are fake. Milo was invited to speak at CPAC. Britain voted to leave the European Union. Loreen lost the Swedish Melody Festival. La-La-Land won the Academy Awards...not. Two women who assumed they were part of a reality show were tricked into killing a North Korean defector. My Friend Cayla can apparently be hacked and turned into a spy device?! Could anyone have imagined this just two years ago? Or even one year ago? Not me neither…

Still, it's good to know that *some* things have remained the same. For instance, all the reboots of old TV series. But then, perhaps it's no co-incidence that the rebooted TV shows are…”Twin Peaks” and “The X-Files”.

I don't want to believe anymore.

Kalsi's Kalevala

My review of "Corrosion" by Johan Kalsi.

I don't understand all the conflicts surrounding this book. Johan Kalsi exists. He is a real person. In fact, this 200-pound Finnish elite ranger is a personal friend of mine. He has the strength of Ilmarinen, the bright intellect of Väinamöinen and the political acumen of Mannerheim himself. On his forehead, he wears a tattoo of the Sampo. When I last met Commander Kalsi, at a get-together of Karelian war veterans, he pointed eastward and said: “The Ural Mountains form the natural borders of Greater Finland!” I believe this novel is an allegory of what Uralic omni-nationalists will do when the Russian empire finally corrodes.

The holy grail of flour

Excellent choice if you're tired of questing for the Holy Grail and just want to bake some daily bread. Or tell your squire to bake it for you. If you ever find the Fisher King, please tell him that King Arthur's Unbleached All-Purpose Flour is the best in Brittany!

In defense of the lectern

Amazon actually sells lecterns, and as a card carrying Kathedersozialist, I of course had to write a self-ironic comment... 

As an officially recognized Kathedersozialist (officially recognized by the Prussian government, that is), I use this lectern when indoctrinating young and impressionable American students in the necessity for an un-ironically historicist-organicist understanding of societal development, and how this relates to the creeping bourgeois socialism of Teddy Roosevelt and the American Empire Party. I also make them admire the German Post Office. (Unfortunately, one of my early Russian students seems to have developed some really boorish misunderstandings of my teachings, which I'm the first to deplore.) Above all, I emphasize the need for closer diplomatic and trade relations between the Second Reich of the Iron Chancellor and the budding humanitarian imperialism of the fair Republic, especially in the South East Asian and East Indian theatres. I know the annoying “proletarian” agitators and mischief-makers Marx and Engels are condemning me as a “socialist of the lectern”, but I think my approach is more practical and will lead to fruitful results in the near future…

Why do you think the Russian Five Year Plans failed?

Amazon sells a pesticide against Colorado beetles. We all know what that REALLY means, don´t we? :D

This witches' brew is a Communist conspiracy. It's a fact that GOD LOVES BEETLES and that the Colorado Potato Beetle is OUR PRIME ASSET IN THE FIGHT AGAINST GODLESS COMMUNISM. The Cold War wasn't won by Reagan's Star Wars but by BEETLES FROM JIMMY CARTER'S EXPERIMENTAL FARM IN GEORGIA. You think he grew peanuts there? THINK AGAIN.

The hallowed rings

So even the Olympic Flag is on sale here?! I'm a bit old fashioned, so to me this almost blasphemy.

I mean, you're not supposed to handle the hallowed five rings unless you are, say, a military officer of the Belgian Army who just won the Modern Pentathlon on the back of a pure bred Arabian horse, or a Romanian gymnast who got 11 points for her artistic skills. Or at the very least an old fascist named Samaranch!

Also, the games aren't supposed to be in Rio, LA or Sydney, but in obscure European resorts with weird names like Cortina d'Ampezzo and Garmisch-Partenkirchen.

Moscow is good, too.

One star review

This book by somebody named Mac Christie doesn't mention *my* particular Rosicrucian order, which is the only *true* Rosicrucian order, and it doesn't spell the Great Incantation *backwards* in esoterick Latin, and therefore cannot be trusted as a reliable source. Another Luciferic operative from the Sethian Egregore.

Don't mess with the manatee

Florida man arrested for riding a manatee

In the Lower 48, annoying or disturbing a manatee is strictly prohibited. Bail money if arrested? Around $ 25,000. Would you pay the bail of a friend suspected of annoying a manatee?

A vital(ist) matter

He he, "All Lives Are Matter" by Atomically Correct Clothing. Well, if the atomically correct lobby has its way, all lives will indeed be matter. Irradiated matter, more exactly. But then, perhaps our radioactive bones will one day prove evolution? As for myself, my immortal soul (which is purely non-material, thank you) will be long gone and on its way back to Source (a.k.a. Sirius).

Yes, really.

And coffee came, the first day

October 1 is International Coffee Day. I haven't checked Bishop Ussher, but I wouldn't be surprised if G-d created java at exactly 5.21am on October 1, 4004 BC shortly before he made the heavens, the earth and the Long Island Rail Road. Did he foresee our fall, I wonder? I mean, commuters must drink a lot of the black and brew! Decaf, by contrast, was invented by one of the bad guys. OK, let me guess: Esau? He always had bad table manners...