Shaolin Heroes

 

En kritisk recension av en AI-översatt bok om shaolin. Men har inte hela shaolin-grejen redan avslöjats som värsta bluffen?

Shaolinmästarens visdom urvattnas till ett lågvattenmärke

Registrerat varumärke

 

Så här står det längst ner på SVT Nyheters startsida: "Olympic™, Olympic Games™ och Olympics™ är registrerade varumärken som ägs av IOK."

Så nu vet ni det. 

Inför kriget

Ett litet meddelande till alla nyhetsuppläsare på svensk TV. Venezuela uttalas alltså *inte* Venetsuela. På spanska är "z" ett tonande s-ljud, inte ett tse-ljud. Och på svenska finns det inget tonande s-ljud, så det korrekta svenska uttalet är alltså Venesuela. Det är under inga som helst fucking omständigheter Venetsuela. Landet har aldrig varit en tysk koloni! Lär er detta, era jääääävlar. 

Tigers in the snow

 

Can´t Americans ever stop mystery-mongering? LOL. Here is a "cryptid" I never heard about before: tigers in Alaska. Yes, Alaska. Or rather no, not really. There are apparently some Siberian tigers in an Alaskan zoo (see the funny comments in the commentary section), but what about the wild expanses of the Last Frontier? It seems the "reports" are a collection of hoaxes, April Fool´s jokes and fakelore. Yes, we´re talking about the pseudo-reality series "Alaska Monsters" and its tall tale about the White Death, a super-sized tiger supposedly stalking the so-called Alaskan Triangle (compare Bermuda Triangle). 

There are tigers in the Russian Far East - the previously mentioned Siberian tiger - but for various reasons, it´s highly unlikely that they could have wandered all the way to Alaska. Nor is it likely that an undetected relict population could have survived from some time before the Ice Age. One interesting fact is that tigers in Russia were detected by scientists using helicopters from which they spotted their footprints. Which by implication means that a "cryptid" can´t really hide from humans, if said humans decide to find it...

But if nobody is looking, who knows?

Still, it seems we can put at least this little mystery to rest.  

  

I want to join a suicide cult

 

I still remember this episode. Jerry Springer himself considered it the worst episode ever. "Worst" as in the most crazy and unruly guests. Not shown here is how the "suicide cult" threw rubber chickens on the audience! 

My guess is that the Church of Euthanasia wasn´t really a cult, but rather an avant-garde art collective. If their performance art was funny, is perhaps another thing entirely...

I almost prefer dwarf wrestling.

Stora tuttar

 

Feministisk programledare blir vansinnig när anti-feministiskt TV-program visar sig vara just anti-feministiskt. Och för en gångs skull har AB:s lilla Hamas-versteher faktiskt rätt: inget tvingar TV4 att visa skiten. 

Kommenterar "stora tuttar" - då blir programledaren vansinnig

Ingen tvingar TV4 att sända skiten

Dålig förlorare

 

Kan inte låta bli att länka till denna... 

Rötmånad i november? LOL

HA HA HA, vad är det här för något? 

Ilskan mot SVT efter krossade träbåten

Här slår SVT sönder antika träbåten

The strangeness of intelligence

 

I never-ever-ever sink so low that I link to Pewdiepie...except when I *do* sink so low that I link to Pewdiepie. The clip he is commenting ("Strangers rank their intelligence") is already a viral classic! 

Big Brother-fiaskot och samtiden

Relativt tänkvärt om den senaste tidens pseudo-turbulens kring "Big Brother". Jag tror annars att bråket beror på att smörjan numera visas i TV4, en kanal man så vitt jag vet inte kan välja bort. Det betyder att den godhetssignalerande privilegierade medelklassen plötsligt tvingas (eller "tvingas") lyssna på plebsens anti-semitiska och sexistiska utgjutelser. Och *det* vill de ju inte. Frizon, frizon! Observera förresten att de två avstängda anti-semiterna var invandrare, och inte från södra Polen heller...

Big Brother-haveriet följer bara mallen

I feel bored tonight

There is a lot of trash like this on YouTube. I don´t usually link to it, but being a bit bored tonight, I couldn´t help myself. 

This is supposedly an authentic message from a time traveler from the year 4932. OK, it´s possible that I misunderstood something and that it´s really just a fanciful ad for T-shirts, but it´s treated as "real" by the commentariat. 

The hoax (if that´s what it is) is more transparent than usual. 

For instance, imagine how much the English language has changed in 3,000 years. (There hardly *was* an English language 3,000 years ago.) Yet, the time traveler from 3,000 years into the future speaks perfect vernacular early 21st century Anglais. Also, it is hard to believe that the United States will still exist in 2085, or have the same constitution as today, but I suppose you *could* make that case, LOL. Even funnier is the "philosophy" of the future POTUS, which is simply basic bitch theism. Billions of people already believe in that, so what´s the prob? 

Oh, and time travel isn´t possible for humans. 

I hope Apex Predator TV at least sells some of UFO-themed T-shirts... 

God has a sense of humor

This bizarre clip has 1.1 million views on YouTube. I don´t think it´s a true story. May I guess that it has been taken from one of the supermarket tabloids also peddling Elvis sightings and UFO abductions? 

In case you don´t get it, the clip claims that the son of a KKK leader had a near-death experience in which Jesus and the angels turned out to be...Black. 

If only. LOL!

Blue pill moment

A review of "Animal Planet Presents"

I realized after only 2 minutes that the episode “Cannibal in the Jungle” was fake. I haven't watched the rest of the series, but apparently that's fake, too. I suppose this is the next step of downward TV evolution: presenting entirely fake documentaries as if they were the real thing (except in the fine print). Why does this happen now, as the “real world” turn out to be very different from how we all imagined it to look like? A co-incidence? Or is somebody trying to deliberately deceive us and blunt our critical faculties? Perhaps mockumentaries like “Cannibal in the Jungle” is a *blue* pill moment…

The ghost turkey

Ha ha ha, this show is a filler of major turkey proportions. At least judging by this episode, in which Ozzy Osbourne's son (of all people) is trying to find a Skin-walker (a shape-shifting demon in Native American mythology), while some of his colleagues are on the lookout for the Ozark Howler, apparently a demon feline of some sort.

Bad acting, extended scenes in complete darkness or the multi-coloured chaos of a thermal camera, and absolutely no action whatsoever - that seems to be the concept behind "Haunted highway". The investigators come across as super-gullible, at one point confusing the Ozark Howler (which is supposedly the size of a cougar) with a racoon or possum!

Sure, it's an entertainment show, but I admit I wasn't. Entertained, that is. Judging by the Youtube comments, the average viewer of "Haunted highway" is a 15-year old sexually starved boy with a bad crush on Dana, Ozzy Junior's female (feline?) assistant. I admit *that* was pretty entertaining. And yes, it *is* somewhat strange that both Dana and Devin can keep their make-up on after two days chasing monsters in the wilderness...

OK, let me guess. This show is...scripted?

Sorry, this episode only gets one star - and I doubt the search for the El Dorado Hell Hounds or Louisiana Swamp Woman get much better than this. Besides, I doubt the Swamp Woman can beat Dana & Devin's make up, LOL.

This is a real "ghost turkey".

I can't be bothered

After only one episode of "Girls" (the pilot in which Hannah wants to become ay voice of ay generation), I decided that I can't be bothered. I'm completely uninterested in the eventual fates of these boring, pathetic, twenty-something...well, girls. A few really ugly, disgusting boys have been included, too.

"Sex and the City", come back, all is forgiven - I mean, the men in that series were more gorgeous than the womyn. And I'm a straight male, OK?

Two stars. There will be worse stuff than this in real life when peak oil hits home. These girls aren't starving...

I know, I know. It's a sitcom. Whatever.

Petty bourgeois profligacy

I'm sick and tired of all this paranormal-occult stuff shown on various U.S. television networks. The purpose is clear: to make the American proletariat dumb and passive, thereby undermining the Marxist class struggle. The "reviewers" who back this scheme are profligate petty-bourgeois on the payroll of imperia....eeeeeeeh...I mean, sorry, never mind.

Texas dead meat

A review of "American Hoggers, Season 1" 

Texas hog hunters??? I don't think so!!! These characters are anything but hog hunters. They're probably not even hunters. I would *love* to see these guys wrestle with a real life, aggressive boar! Or maybe not, since that would be a splatter movie, rather than a family show. ROFL. And no, it wouldn't be the hog that gets splattered, I can tell you that much...

Jerry Springer, come back, all is forgiven

Credit: Nrbelex 

"Lizard Lick Towing" is apparently a spin off to "All Worked Up". Whatever that means.

The series supposedly re-enacts real life repossession scenarios from the small town of Lizard Lick, North Carolina. The mayor of the town, Ronnie, runs a repossession business together with his wife Amy. Ron is supposedly an evangelical preacher, as well. Let me guess, Emergent Church? Naturally, the hard-working citizens of NC don't want their cars and monster-trucks repossessed, and frequently fight back. Mud wrestling, food fights and boxing are some of the ingredients in this extremely silly series. At one point, the good preacher is stalked by four armed hunters in camo, and another episode shows that dogs in the Carolinas aren't necessarily god-fearing.

The series reminds me of good ol' "Jerry Springer Show", minus...minus Jerry Springer, I suppose. If you like fat Middle Americans bouncing into each other, you might find this an enjoyable experience. If not, well...it's a free country with 10,000 TV channels.

You can always watch "All Worked Up".

No, not the ice cream van!

If you're tired of watching "Lizard Lick Towing", this series might be more your style. "Operation Repo" is based on a similar concept: re-enactments of supposedly real-life car repossessions, featuring amateur actors. There the similarity ends. In this series, the repossession team is multi-ethnic (one of them is a Rasta!) and the action takes place in California rather than the Southern backwoods. The repossessed cars include ice cream vans, bookmobiles and Zambonis. Unsurprisingly, the characters driving them are absurd in ways only Californians can be. Did I like "Operation Repo"? Naaaah. Not really. But, as I said, if you're tired of the Old South, welcome to the hinterland of Hollywood... :D

There's something strange in the neighborhood...

I admit that I only watched four short clips of this new series at Youtube. "Urban Tarzan" seems to be a kind of freak show version of "Call of the Wildman". I reluctantly admit that I found the exploits of Kentucky backwoodsman Ernie Brown entertaining, but I'm not sure if Urban Tarzan and his friend Caveman will entertain me just as much...

But sure, if you think Turtleman is too boring and want to see more absurd stuff, this just might be the series for you. "Urban Tarzan" features a host of wild and quasi-domesticated animals on the loose in the middle of LA.

Who you gonna call when a huge camel destroys a live nativity scene, stumps on a Baby Jesus doll and scares the hell of the Wise Men? Or when a fully clothed chimp with a gun terrorizes two elderly citizens in their home? Or when a bull ravages a corn maze? (I didn't know they grew corn in Los Angeles.) I suppose the LAPD or the local fire department would be the logical first choices, but in this series you call extreme animal handler Urban Tarzan, who swiftly comes to the rescue...well, sort of. At least in the teasers, the blasphemous camel actually gets away!

"Urban Tarzan" is obviously scripted. Several of the rampaging beasts captured by our hero look tranquilized, trained or even fake (sic). Perhaps the local animal protection society should take a closer look at this, LOL. That being said, I will only give the series two stars, but with the obvious escape clause that your humor might be somewhat different from my own...