Venerable Snow Owl has the floor

I'm a duly elected representative of Owlkind, and I must say that me and my peers (especially Sir Barn Owl and the Hon. Gentleman Great Horned Owl) are getting a wee bit annoyed at CSICOP, Brian Dunning's Skeptoid blog, and (of course) the noxious "Doc" Shiels and, frankly, his entire family.

What's all this stuff about me and mine being responsible for all the UFO observations in the 48 contiguous states of the Union???

Apparently, the Venerable Lord Barn Owl was "Mothman" and somehow made the Silver Bridge in Point Pleasant collapse. Trust me, he never got anywhere near John Keel. Keel's not as tasty as a rodent or a starling, is he now? The idea that I and my wife attacked the Sutton clan in Kentucky is also perfectly ridiculous. I mean, Kentucky??!! Are you kidding my hind feathers?! No self-respecting owl wants to live in the state of Lizard Men, Leprechauns, Bluegrass and Jefferson Davies! Not to mention all the trigger-happy farmers. We *did* read the Lonely Planet presentation before deciding to move on to...Lapland.

The claim that my cousin Eagle-Owl (affectionately known as Bubo the Bubba) was somehow responsible for the Owlman incident in a desolate Cornwall church is close to being litigious. Everyone knows "Doc" Shiels was behind that one. In fact, I suspect "Doc" was behind most other purportedly paranormal phenomena, as well. Roswell? Rendlesham Forest? The Amityville Horror? Bileam's talking donkey? Clever Hans? Moses parting the Red Sea? If it smells like "Doc" and quacks like "Doc"...

In my opinion, Condon should have taken a *very* close look at this guy!

So what's this really about? I think CSICOP and the local Humanist Association are GOP fronts out to repeal the Endangered Species Act! They still can't get over that episode about Great Dame Spotted Owl. Soon, they will hold her responsible for the UFO observations of astronaut Edgar Mitchell. I mean, owls do fly, right?

In conclusion, Mr. Speaker, these rabid slanders against the Owl Lords MUST CEASE, otherwise we might contemplate much firmer action in the future. Such as swooping down on James Randi in V-formation at the next Sceptic Convention.

Yeah, really.