It's a barn owl, stupid

There's no such thing as "Roswell". In fact, not even the town of Roswell seem to exist. It certainly doesn't show up on my map of New Hampshire. The so-called UFO crash in Roswell was a BARN OWL. I mean, that should be obvious. It flew. So do owls. It crashed. So do owls. It scared the living daylights out of some rednecks. So do owls. The "alien bodies" retrieved were also owls. I mean, look at the eyes. They are big, green and glow at night. Just like the eyes of the New Hampshire subspecies of Barnie Owl. Case closed. The so-called Patterson-Gimli movie of the JFK assassination also shows a Barn Owl. So why did the federal gov classify the Roswell barn owl crash? The explanation is obvious: the anti-owl faction of the East Coast establishment wants to repeal the Endangered Species Act. They hate owls. Don't ask me why.