Terror at Swan Lake

This is a romantic picture of two swans (so-called mute swans, to be exact) and a whole bunch of water lilies of uncertain species. Probably perfect...that is, if you never encountered a swan, or visited a lake overgrown by water lilies!

About two years ago, I was strolling peacefully around one of the lakes in Stockholm. At one point, I stood close to the lakeside, peacefully eating candy (the jelly nukis reviewed by me elsewhere). Suddenly I saw, at quite a distance, an ENORMOUS flock of ducks, geese and swans coming my way. I didn't reflect on it at first until this multi-species flock (of obvious interest to the local bird-watching club) came closer...and...closer...and...closer??!!

Finally, the goddamned birds CAME RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER, MORE OR LESS CHASING ME, COMMANDEERED BY TWO REALLY AGGRESSIVE SWANS!!!!

Apparently, the "romantic" swans down at the Black Lagoon are used to be fed by humans on a semi-regular basis and just won't take no for an answer. Clearly, these swans have been brainwashed by the Swedish socialists into believing that pork-barrel programs are forever, and that idleness really does pay. Or is it the right-wing libertarian, cornucopian idea of unlimited economic growth which has reached our distant lake shores, creating a "crisis of expectations" among the denizens of the local avifauna?

Clearly, some kind of eco-fascist preaching is in order here. Please dispatch Dave Foreman to my bird lake stat!

As for water lilies, the noxious stench and weed-like explosions of these plants make my stomach turn, and it seems the swans feel the same way - they just leave! Besides, most of the time the actual lilies aren't visible, you just see the leaves, lots of 'em. Well, at least I don't have to worry about big birds trying to steal my candy as long as the lilies are in season...

Now, do you see how awfully *illogical* this art print really is???

That being said, I don't deny that this exquisite little poster looks gorgeously beautiful.

Next week: the Black Swan and its implications for Afro-centrist discourse.