Vladmir Putin (a.k.a. Vlad the Mad) may have nukes, hooded special forces, vodka-touting pro-Russian separatists, more or less legitimate territorial claims to Black Sea ports, and enough oil, gas and uranium to last a lifetime (or at least a U.S. trade embargo).
Don't worry. The freedom-loving nations of Europe (a.k.a. Western Eurasian Panhandle and then some) have a SECRET WEAPON that will bring Vlad, Lavrov, Sauron and their hooded minions to their knees faster than you can spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyll.
We have…CONCHITA WURST. Be 'fraid, Ivan, be very 'fraid, lest we send Ms Conchie and her wurst on a DRANG NACH STALINGRAD!!! Yeah, really. So you better evacuate Sebastopol within 24 hours or else…
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