Friday, August 31, 2018

Lord Martin has the purple, I mean, floor

Although me and mine appreciate all the assistance we can get from the unfortunate race of bipedal creatures known as “American suburbanites” in our War of Independence against the nefarious European invaders (a.k.a. Common Starlings and House Sparrows), we would ask for our dear and kind allies to – don't get me wrong – realize that sometimes the Declaration of the Right of Birds have to play second fiddle to more pragmatic, immediate but likely more effective methods of actions. In plain English, DON'T RELOCATE THE BLOODY STARLINGS AFTER YOU CAUGHT THEM IN YOUR SPARROW TRAPS!!! May we also ask one of your high priest-wizards, commonly but not entirely correctly referred to as “scientists”, to use their magical skills and engineer a new deadly disease which selectively targets Common Starlings and House Sparrows only? Of course, the brood-parasitical provocations of the Brown-Headed Cowbird is the next causus belli, but then, nature red in tooth and beak, yes? Martin Purple, elected plenipotentiary of the Purple Martin tribe, over and out. And merry Xmas!

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