The Aryans are coming

I never read any Conan story, nor have I seen the classical film featuring Arnie as the indefatigable Cimmerian prince. I admit that I perused Robert Howard's “The Hyborian Age” mostly for the fun of it. Howard was, of course, the author of the weird sword-and-sorcery tales featuring Conan and other barbarians. Howard's booklet explores and explains the fictional universe of the Conan stories in some detail. Some people (who seem to be politically situated somewhere to the right of ancient Nordheimir) take his pseudo-historical musings seriously, despite disclaimers to the contrary. And why not? “The Hyborian Age” is fantasy, but it's a fantasy some people apparently *want* to be true…

Howard describes a cyclical history, where ancient civilizations and entire continents (such as Atlantis or Lemuria) rise, decline and disappear, often without a trace. Barbarism is very common, some of the barbarian races being almost organically incapable of attaining a higher degree of civilization (except in sword-making). A never-ending and frequently brutal war of all against all is the perennial predicament of man. It's not even clear whether all the tribal groups are “human” in the strict sense. It seems humans can mate with pre-human creatures, ape-men can become men, while some men have devolved into apes. The various human sub-groups don't seem to have a common ancestry. The most pure-blooded and blond Nordics hail from the far north and are really a kind of giants. It also turns out that the Aryans and Celts of “our” historical period are descendants of some of the warring, wandering peoples of the Hyborian age. So are the Huns, Mongols and Tartars. Egypt was once ruled by an Aryan dynasty, and even ancient Israel had Aryan admixture. Why are we not surprised?

Idealism clearly isn't an option. The Nemedian missionary Arus, a worshipper of the gentle Mitra (Arus is presumably based on Arius and Wulfila, and Mitra is really Christ) attempts to convert the barbaric Picts and their chief Gorm to the ways of peaceful civilization, but he only succeeds in making the barbarians more interested in acquiring new weapons to conquer and loot the powerful Hyborian kingdoms. Which they promptly do, spreading death and destruction in their wake…

The Hyborian Age (the name is perhaps based on the Hyperborean Age mentioned in Blavatsky's secret doctrines) comes after the destruction of Atlantis but before another cataclysm, during which the world acquires the shape it has today. Apparently, Howard's fantasy tales also incorporate themes borrowed from H P Lovecraft's “Cthulhu Mythos”, but these seem to be largely absent from the Hyborian booklet. Also absent are the peaceful Neolithic farmers and peaceful high cultures, such as the Indus Valley Civilization, that also existed. But sure, even feminists believe that the Kurgan culture was barbaric, war-prone and…patriarchal.

I'm not sure how to rate Howard's short text on Conan's alternate reality, brought to us by Rise of Douai, who also published editions of Freud's “The Interpretation of Dreams”, “The Communist Manifesto”, “An Idiot's Guide to Bee-Hunting” and “The Art of Money Getting” by P. T. Barnum. In the end, I give it three stars. But, please remember: what's really important isn't the star-rating, but the fact that two stood against many!