Seven solutions to Fermi´s paradox

1. The aliens were here in the past. Unfortunately, the good people of Sodom had some pretty original ideas about hospitality, so the aliens left, never to return. They wrote about Earth in "The Hitch-hikers REAL Guide to the Galaxy", available all through the Milky Way, warning other aliens about our planet. It says: "Avoid that place like the plague on Rigel 3".

2. The aliens were here in the past. Their kids just loved the woolly mammoths. They still haven't gotten over that Palaeolithic killing spree of ours, so they won't be back any time soon. Cloning a woolly mammoth might do the trick, though.

3. The aliens are already here! However, they are body snatchers and shape shifters. They can't be distinguished from humans, not even under microscope. Their DNA is identical to ours, too. They have MELDED. "They" control the government. "They" control the media. "They" control FEMA. You get the drift. They also build subterranean tunnels under the Pacific to invade California with Hong Kong police officers. Only people with THE GIFT can recognize the aliens. Here are some sure signs: they are hook-nosed, have last names like Cohen and Dershowitz, speak English with a strangely foreign accent, and avoid beef sandwiches. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, CITIZEN. I have personally seen ADL operatives shape shift into pink-colored reptilians, vaguely resembling the lizard whose scientific name is Lacerta agilis. They had those yellow triangles, too. THEY ARE HERE.

4. The aliens are already here! However, we can't see them because they are spiritual beings. They have reached a higher level of existence than ourselves. If you meditate like crazy every day for 15 years, and open up your Third, Fourth and Fifth Eyes, you will eventually see them. Taking acid or LSD might help, too. Or reading George Adamski's books. You will then see the aliens of the fourth globe on the sixth round, the third globe on the second round, and the sixth globe on the fifth round. You might even get a glimps of Paul the Venetian! This is ESOTERIC KNOWLEDGE known only to REAL ADEPTS OF THE LIGHT.

5. We are the aliens. No kidding. But, you see, there was this galactic emperor named Xenu who had a penchant for ice cubes on top of volcanoes, and...

6. The aliens did exist once, but have all died. It's our fault. A cheeseburger accidentally got onboard a long-distance comet. I mean, how do you think that plague on Rigel 3 got started???

7. They aren't here - yet. You have no idea how long it takes to organize a million-alien invasion space fleet. Or the logistical problems involved. Not to mention those cheeseburgers. BUT THEY WILL ARRIVE ONE DAY, MR. FERMI.