Khrushchev said we'll bury you, I don't subscribe to his point of view

Let's face it. Nikita Khrushchev was the worst Soviet leader ever. Essentially, he was just a frivolous poseur. His main accomplishment was to place a dog in orbit around Earth.

The dog, named Laika, died almost immediately after launch, but in order to save face, this wasn't revealed. Indeed, the death of the poor dog seems to have been the best kept state secret in Russia. It didn't surface until the fall of Communism. Not even KGB defectors had a clue. To impress the world proletariat, Nikita posthumously (or post-HOUND-osly) made Laika a hero of the Soviet Union by giving him the Lenin order. Or perhaps that's just a samizdat joke, I don't know.

Nikita Sputnik also made other accomplishments. For instance, he gave the Hungarians goulash made in Kadar Janos and Andropov Yuri. The Chinese didn't want goulash, so Nick pretty much screwed up south of the Amur. Chairman Mao apparently preferred sweet-sour sauce.

Nickie also told Ahmed Ben Bella that *he* (Nick) saved the day when Hitler launched his Operation Barbarossa. Stalin was so shocked by the event, that he laid unconscious for two weeks, after some really heavy drinking. Then, Nikita Sergeyevich gently took Little Father by the hand, saying: "No, no, comrade Stalin, it is bad to quit. You have to boldly face adversity". At hearing these wise words, Iossif Vissarionovitch regained composure and went on to victory at Stalingrad and elsewhere. (This bizarre story is retold by Ben Bella in an interview book not available in English.)

The Russians themselves were less pleased with Little Nickie, however, especially after he decided to turn the Siberian rivers around, a more drastic project than sending stray puppies out in space in metallic capsules. So Papa Brezhnev and one Kosygin unseated Khrushchev and sent him to a dacha at the Black Sea coast, where he wrote his memoirs.

Today, nobody remembers the flamboyant supremo of the reds.

Laika, on the other hand, is still pictured all around Eastern Europe on various monuments and wall paintings.

Next week on Radio Free America: Gorbachev's birthmark - the sign of the Antichrist?