A Smurf is a Smurf is a Smurf is a Moon-worshipping Satanic Communist

The Smurfs are strange creatures, about three apples high, who live in a hidden village, love sarsaparilla and speak an extremely annoying language known as…wait for it…Smurf. They have terrible singing voices, too. And yes, they are (thankfully) entirely fictitious! If you want to know more about these adorable critters, created by Franco-Belgian comic writer Peyo, “The Smurfs and the Egg” is a good place to start. Apart from the title story, we are also treated to “The False Smurf” and “The Hundredth Smurf”. All three stories are strictly in-universe, and are guaranteed to drive you nuts if blue midgets aint your thang.

In the title story, the Smurfs find an egg which magically fulfills every wish, making the harmonious little utopia of Smurf Village descending into chaos and mayhem as the most bizarre requests are granted. One of the poor Smurfs even end up in Hell! In “The False Smurf”, the evil wizard Gargamel, who harbors a deep-seated hatred for our blue heroes, turns himself into a Smurf in order to infiltrate their village. In “The Hundredth Smurf”, village elder Papa Smurf (who looks like Santa) realizes that the community is one Smurf short for an important ritual in homage of the Moon. I always suspected gnomes were pagans!

Despite their innocent-looking appearance, the Smurfs have been accused of sexism, suspected of being Satanists or Communists, or commended for their libertarian individualism. One album, featuring evil black Smurfs, was rebranded in the United States, making the bad guys purple instead! Where do people come up with all this stuff, really? Apart from that lunar feast thing, the stories contained in “The Smurfs and the Egg” seem reasonably safe from a political or religious viewpoint.

But perhaps that's what they *want* us to believe…