We,
the intergalactic representatives of the Orion-Pleiades Federation of Antares
Crux hereby firmly protest the slanderous, libellous and frankly litigious
"ufology literature", not to mention those hideous documentaries on
the gizmo you call Youtube.
We never crashed outside Roswell. Our interdimensional spaceships are just fine, thank you. Besides, what do you suppose two luminous beings from Orion would possibly *do* outside a dairy ranch in Texas? What crashed was a weather balloon manned by a couple of those distant ancestors of yours known as "Monkeys". Small wonder the government of sector 666, better known as The United States, wanted to keep it a secret. So would we, had we made such an elementary mistake to let a space flight be controlled by *our* ancestors (who were green jellyfish).
The whole idea of us visiting your godforsaken planet is ridiculous in itself. By Jove and Sirius, who do you think you are, some kind of cosmic hot shots? Our flying saucers can travel a distance of 10,000 parsecs in the blink of an eye - why on earth do you think we would be interested in visiting your little cosmic backwater, when we can go boldly to much cooler places were no man will hopefully ever go? There *are* planets in the infinite universe that aren't plagued by roaches, mosquitoes, budget deficits and new episodes of "Haunted Highway", you know.
We never met George Adamski or Billy Schmucking Meier, I mean, do you really think self-respecting Ascended Masters from the Pleiades would travel in ships that look like a birthday cake?! Or use ridiculous names such as Ptahotep, Ankh-A-Ra or Giza Sector 57? Besides, our names cannot be pronounced by earthlings, not even telepathically. George and Billy made it all up, probably after reading some book by Madame Blavatsky (whoever she might have been - we haven't bothered checking, really).
The most hideous slander of all is the claim that we, the peaceful and luminescent realizers of the Perfected Light, are behind your cattle mutilations. I MEAN, COME ON, THAT'S SOOOO SICK!!! Cows are seen as holy on all higher worlds of the Federation. So are horses, cats, dogs, bramble bushes and European blackbirds. On one point, you are right: on December 21, 2012 we will indeed intervene in your so-called "evolution" (if that's the right word for it) by beaming up said creatures to our mothership, which is currently in orbit around the satellite you refer to as "Moon". Then, these sacred and pure beings will be transported to the home world where green fields and lush forests await them (or a lot of canned food, if they're dogs).
As for you, you will be left to fend for yourselves down at Psycho Planet for another 10,000 years or so. Perhaps you will by that time have learned not to shoot any new episodes of "Haunted Highway". Getting rid of the budget deficit might be something else again.
One of your more sympathetic fictional characters, a certain Mr. Spock (who is obviously based on one of our Masters) used to say farewell by using the words "Live long and prosper". What a shame we cannot use these exquisite words of wisdom in your case...
We never crashed outside Roswell. Our interdimensional spaceships are just fine, thank you. Besides, what do you suppose two luminous beings from Orion would possibly *do* outside a dairy ranch in Texas? What crashed was a weather balloon manned by a couple of those distant ancestors of yours known as "Monkeys". Small wonder the government of sector 666, better known as The United States, wanted to keep it a secret. So would we, had we made such an elementary mistake to let a space flight be controlled by *our* ancestors (who were green jellyfish).
The whole idea of us visiting your godforsaken planet is ridiculous in itself. By Jove and Sirius, who do you think you are, some kind of cosmic hot shots? Our flying saucers can travel a distance of 10,000 parsecs in the blink of an eye - why on earth do you think we would be interested in visiting your little cosmic backwater, when we can go boldly to much cooler places were no man will hopefully ever go? There *are* planets in the infinite universe that aren't plagued by roaches, mosquitoes, budget deficits and new episodes of "Haunted Highway", you know.
We never met George Adamski or Billy Schmucking Meier, I mean, do you really think self-respecting Ascended Masters from the Pleiades would travel in ships that look like a birthday cake?! Or use ridiculous names such as Ptahotep, Ankh-A-Ra or Giza Sector 57? Besides, our names cannot be pronounced by earthlings, not even telepathically. George and Billy made it all up, probably after reading some book by Madame Blavatsky (whoever she might have been - we haven't bothered checking, really).
The most hideous slander of all is the claim that we, the peaceful and luminescent realizers of the Perfected Light, are behind your cattle mutilations. I MEAN, COME ON, THAT'S SOOOO SICK!!! Cows are seen as holy on all higher worlds of the Federation. So are horses, cats, dogs, bramble bushes and European blackbirds. On one point, you are right: on December 21, 2012 we will indeed intervene in your so-called "evolution" (if that's the right word for it) by beaming up said creatures to our mothership, which is currently in orbit around the satellite you refer to as "Moon". Then, these sacred and pure beings will be transported to the home world where green fields and lush forests await them (or a lot of canned food, if they're dogs).
As for you, you will be left to fend for yourselves down at Psycho Planet for another 10,000 years or so. Perhaps you will by that time have learned not to shoot any new episodes of "Haunted Highway". Getting rid of the budget deficit might be something else again.
One of your more sympathetic fictional characters, a certain Mr. Spock (who is obviously based on one of our Masters) used to say farewell by using the words "Live long and prosper". What a shame we cannot use these exquisite words of wisdom in your case...
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