It's time for The Donald, The Ivanka and all the RNC
people to heed the message of this T-shirt.
2016 is the best year in the history of the world, nay, the cosmos in all its infinity. Steven Pinker and Sam Harris say so, ergo it must be true. Crime is on a low point. Everyone who is unemployed can work at Uber. The refugee “crisis” will lead to robust economic growth. The sanctions against Russia are working, and we have successfully stopped the nuclear program of North Korea. Nobody is poor thanks to deregulation of financial markets. The world is largely at peace, except for a few lone gunmen here and there, and they were probably just out of happy pills. Climate change and peak oil are no longer threats thanks to Obamacare. The Ivory-billed Woodpecker has been spotted in Florida. Turkey is on a fast track to democracy and Libya has already arrived. So has Iraq. And if you don't believe me, think about Tamerlane, the Black Death or the extinction of the dinosaurs SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???
I think it's time we all stop this blatantly fascist fear-mongering, which if left unchecked can lead to more murders, unemployment, terrorism, rogue states getting the bomb, poverty, war, Turkish Islamist self-coups, climate change, peak oil, extinction of woodpeckers and the public humiliation of official optimists. Now, I'm sure you don't want *that* to happen, dear world citizen! So keep calm and I assure you nothing bad will happen.
Now, where's that Uber taxi…?
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