My life with the prince

When I tried to write something positive about Michael Jackson after his death, his fans misunderstood my review and voted it down, so I eventually removed it.

OK, let's see if Prince fans are more cool…

As a teenager, I positively hated Prince Roger Nelson and his music. Especially “Purple Rain”. Also, the little bon vivant had sexual relationships with pretty much all girls he encountered, including every member of Bangles and Audrey Horne from “Twin Peaks”. Prince was some kind of male version of Madonna. OK, so I was a prudish teenager. He was ugly, too. And short. I didn't like the awful screams on his songs. Everyone knows that rain isn't purple. The car was ugly. And so on!

I admit that I'm more cool now, LOL. I was intrigued (of course) when he changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol. I was even more intrigued when a friend in Slovakia (!) told me that Prince had become a Jehovah's Witness. I assumed it was a bizarre rumor of some sort. Surely the biggest sex athlete of the 80's couldn't possibly have…? Well, he could and he did. Apparently, Prince also believed chemtrails were real. He discussed them on TV the day before he died, which triggered conspiracy theories about the Illuminati killing him.

A curious detail: in my senior high school, the students assumed (in all seriousness) that Prince wasn't Black. Instead, he was rumored to be Puerto Rican! Hmmm...

I didn't understand most of The Artist Formerly Known as Prince's production. However, I admit that I secretly listened to “Paisley Park”, “Raspberry Beret” and even the Bangles when I was, ahem, a teenager… Prince, I don't know if you are soul-sleeping Jehovah's Witness style or have entered the astral realms, but wherever you are, thanks for everything!

"The reviewer currently known as Ashtar Command"