Answers for Southern Baptists

Here are some tongue-in-cheek answers to Norman Geisler´s "Questions for Hindus". OK, I´m bored this evening...

1. Can you explain why some Hindus believe there is one reality beyond good and evil, and yet they live as though they believe evil is real?

Advaita: Because they are still stuck in the realm of illusion (maya). 

Hare Krishna: Ultimate reality isn´t beyond good and evil, but good. So these Hindus are essentially right. The supreme personality of godhead, Krishna, is a really good guy. In fact, Krishna and Christ are the same person. That´s obvious, since they had the same name.

Tantrism: Because they are a bunch of pussies. A real Tantrika would embrace evil and ride it like a tiger!

2. If reincarnation is a result of deeds in a previous life, then how did the first reincarnation begin?

Advaita: Well, how did Adam fall if he was created perfect and had everything? Why did Lucifer fall? Can you explain this? Reincarnation is the result of karma from beginningless time. And that´s that.

Hare Krishna: It began when some human jivas used their free will and turned away from Krishna. They then fell into the material world, which is emanated by Krishna for that very purpose. Sounds familiar?

Tantrism: Exoterically, it began when Shiva decided to play hide and seek with himself. But of course that´s just an old wives tale. Not even the Crone Goddess believes that one. The real truth is that the hyper-cosmic energy of creation and destruction is eternal. If you can ride the wave (or that tiger), reincarnation is a *good* thing! Ye shall be like gods, hiss...

3. If those suffering in this life are being punished for deeds in a previous life, then why show any compassion to help the downtrodden and needy? Are we not just tinkering with their karma and delaying their punishment to a further life?

Advaita: Yes, exactly. It´s a bit like Calvin´s predestination, you know.

Hare Krishna: Yes, exactly. But you can nevertheless destroy negative karma by intense bhakti for the supreme personality of godhead, so the best you can do for the homeless is to make them join in when you sing and dance in the streets of New York...

Tantrism: Yes, exactly. However, if you live among the homeless, eat garbage, and then kill them and eat *them* as blood sacrifice, you will overcome your own negative karma and reach transcendental states scarcely imaginable by mere Southern Baptists!

4. If evil is not real, then how did the illusion begin? Why is it so universal? And why does it seem so real?

Advaita: Maya is inscrutable. Now, please solve the theodicy problem.

Hare Krishna: Evil is real, and the world isn´t an illusion. Maya is the material energy of the supreme personality of godhead. See previous answer!

Tantrism: Oh, evil is real, alrightie. Who told you it wasn´t? Wanna touch my skull-staff? Mu-hah-hah-hah...

5. If we must undergo a changing process of enlightenment to discover we are one with the Absolute, then how can we be the Absolute since it is unchanging and never underwent such a process?

Advaita: What part of "Maya is inscrutable" don´t you understand?

Hare Krishna: We are *not* one with the Absolute. You sound like an idiotic impersonalist.  

Tantrism: Who´s "we", sucker? The true Tantrika is both one with the Absolute and ever-changing, precisely because he is enlightened, but unless you imbibe the method of the Siddhas (and quantities of soma enough to kill an Asian elephant), you will never understand this, White boy!