You can't pray to this mantis

"The Deadly Mantis" is a monster movie made in 1957. A volcanic eruption on Greenland frees a frozen, jumbo-sized praying mantis from its oblivion. After millions of years without food, it naturally goes on a rampage, first in the Arctic and later in the lower 48. Eventually, the creature reaches New York City, with the military in hot pursuit.

Sounds entertaining, but "The Deadly Mantis" is actually incredibly boring and dragging, with almost no action for the first 45 minutes. Instead, we are privy to pseudo-scientific talk, grave meetings with grave-looking generals, and a super-grave narrator telling the audience that the American radar shields protect the free world from its enemies. Well, they couldn't stop one lousy bug, could they now?

Personally, I was also annoyed by the sexist, stereotypical gender roles. But then, this was 1957. But sure, eventually the big bug pulls its act together, starts overturning buses and cars, attack monuments in Washington DC, and so on. For some unfathomable reason, it spares the Manhattan skyline, preferring to forage in a tunnel instead!

Naaah, I don't know, only two stars for this one.

Raymond, I think I ur-grok

A faux review of "Space Commandos: Invasion of the Menacing Mantis Men (And Syphilis Ridden Gold Prospectors)" 

This is one of those e-books you review simply because they are there. Or “out there”. Of course I haven't read it, and I certainly haven't devoured the entire “weekly series” (are you kidding). This customer review is based solely on the editorial ditto and the look-inside function.

A group of crazed gold prospectors are infected by a venereal disease and start worshipping the Cactus God, actually named Urgrok. You grok? After a daring escape from bounty-hunters, they find themselves 400 years into the future, in a golden domed version of San Francisco. Still high on those cacti juices, they wreak havoc on the golden-clad inhabitants, in fierce competition with a group of insectoid aliens who also have a few Canadian geese unplucked with Earth Space Command.

The leader of the aliens is a gigantic mantis (what else) named Mandibles. I suppose that's the name he telepathically communicates to his victims at the time of their impending deaths. I'm sure his real name (as usual) can't be pronounced by urgroks. Or even by earthlings.

Good? Probably not. But sure, it could work as a prospectus to a B-movie! Ha ha ha. ;-)